What allows for a more healing experience is stepping into the space in between black and white to understand why your family is the way they are and considering the possibility of them experiencing their own trauma in childhood. 

Holding space for acknowledging the hurt they caused you within the context of the hurt they might themselves still be stuck in allows you to move beyond extreme anger and into the space of putting up healthy boundaries that accept them as they are while still protecting your space, peace and growth. 

Phrases that state things like "Family is family no matter what" or "Blood is thicker than water" can be toxic and lead to people pleasing, suppression of emotions and a lack of boundaries.

Unhealthy is unhealthy no matter what. We can choose our own family and they don't have to carry our same blood.  Many times distance is the best remedy.

With this in mind we give up the need to bring these people with us when they show no desire to change themselves. We cannot force anyone to make changes they aren’t willing or ready to make.